New Beginnings...

So this may turn out to be a not-so-funny post. Sors.

My oldest offspring starts kindergarten tomorrow.  To be honest, I'm just glad I've kept another human alive this long. What an accomplishment!! Especially bc my goldfish didn't make it through the night.

I have no idea how the morning is going to go. Anyone who knows my child, knows that my child is the mini version of yours truly. He does NOT do ANYTHIIIINNNNGGGG that he does NOT want to do. Period. There is no maybe I'll try it....oh no. He is just not gonna do it. And he is painfully shy...Oh so shy! These 2 traits really work against him sometimes. I know the feeling!

He will either leap into the classroom, all smiles, or he will have a miserable day. There is no in between.

60% of me thinks he will be okay. He says he's excited. What he actually DOES may be a different story...

BUt it's not just a new beginning for him...it is for this mama too. Mama Bear is super emotional. Like, SUPER. I have cried and cried, for hours on end. My husband thinks I'm stupid. He says I am a train wreck & a hot mess. He doesn't get it. Men are stupid.

Why am I emotional?? I am truly so happy for him, bc I think he will great, he will thrive, and will make friends that will be lifelong.

But I am letting go of my first baby. The baby that changed my whole world. When I sat on the bathroom floor that night, the last thing on my mind was my baby growing up and going to kindergarten. It was more like holy shit I need to get my life together right this second, and give my kid the world.

And now I am giving my kid to the world.

I am giving my kid to world he does not know. The people in that school, they don't know him. They don't love him. They don't know how to handle his stubborness, they don't know what he thinks is funny, they don't know that his favorite color is brown, and that he wants to be a "worker" when he grows up, and that he loves his sister so much, he knows all of her allergies.

They don't know that this little boy, who always forgets 17, and goes from 16 to 18 every single time (17 doesn't even exist to him), is the little boy responsible for my life, and my husbands. They don't know he's the reason we went from nothing to a whole lotta something in the span of 6 years... This little guy, he's a pretty cool dude, and if not for him, who knows where we'd be.

It hurts my heart SO BAD to think about another kid being mean to him, or making fun of him...he'll be all alone. Oh it hurts. The last time I felt actual pain in my heart was in high school when I couldn't make someone love me. Yeah. It's like THAT.

All I can do is hope, that's it's all been enough. I hope he can find it somewhere in that big, but not always apparent, heart of his to make a friend. He's a charmer, he'll win 'em over.

So tomorrow, I will watch him get on a school bus. I will let go of his hand, and give him a little push. And if that doesn't work, I will scoop him up and take him myself. And I will hand him over to a teacher, that I don't know, but I can already tell will love him. And then I will cry. I will come home, and I will cry. I will cry until I can't cry anymore. Why? Bc I need him to be loved. I need to feel that he is loved. Not everyone will always love him, but SOMEONE will. Someone's going to be his friend, there is a girl he knows in his class, and she loves him (no really, they were bf & gf once) and she will help others to see how great he is. And that teacher? Well he's about to meet one of the funniest little guys he'll ever know!

I want include a poem that was shared with me, from a teacher to a parent:

The First Day

I gave you a little wink and smile
As you entered my room today.
For I know how hard it is to leave
and know your child must stay.
You've been with him for five years now
and have been a loving guide,
but now, alas, the time has come
to leave him at my side.
Just know that as you drive away
and tears down your cheeks may flow
I'll ove him as I would my own
and help him learn and grow.
For as a teacher, I too know
how quickly the years do pass
for not too long ago it was my turn
to take my child to class.
So please put your mind at ease
and cry those tears no more
for I will love him and take him in
when you leave him at my door.

And here is another one that pretty much sums it all up...well its wordy so it's not really summing anything up, but it was shared with me and makes me cry and if I'm cry, you have to cry bc that's MNAN rules! :
I TRUST YOU'LL TREAT HER WELL


World, I bequeath to you today one little girl in a crispy dress.. with two blue eyes...and a happy laugh that ripples all day long, and a batch of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs. I Trust You'll Treat Her Well.


She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning and skipping off down the street to her first day at school. And never again will she be completely mine...


Prim and proud, she'll wave a young and independent hand this morning, and say goodbye and walk with little-lady steps to the nearby schoolhouse...


Gone will be the chattering little girl who lived only for play, and gone will be the delightful little child who roamed the yard like a proud princess without a care in the world.


Now, she will learn to stand in lines...and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called...


She will learn to tune her little-girl ears for the sound of school bells, and for deadlines...


She will learn to giggle and gossip... and to look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy across the aisle sticks out his tongue.


Now she will learn to be jealous...and now she will learn how it is to feel hurt inside...and now she will learn how not to cry. No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch steps on a summer day and watch while an ant scurries across a crack in the sidewalk...


Or will she have time to pop out of bed with the sunrise and kiss her dad good morning. Now she will worry about important things...like grades...and what dresses to wear...and whose best friend is whose. Now she will worry about the little boy who pulls her hair at recess time... and staying after school...and which little girls like which little boys...And the magic of books and knowledge will soon take the place of the magic of her blocks and dolls.


And she'll find her new heroes. For five full years I've been her sage and playmate...her pal and coach...her parent and friend. Now, she'll learn to share her worship and adoration with her teachers (which is only right).


No longer will her parents be the smartest, and greatest in the world. Today, when the first school bell rings, she'll learn how it is to be a member of the group...with all its privileges, and, its disadvantages, too.


She'll learn in time that proper young ladies don't laugh out loud...or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms...or watch ants scurry across the cracks in a summer sidewalk...


Today, she'll begin to learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. That "the group" can be a demanding mistress... and I'll stand on the porch and watch her start out on the long, long journey to becoming a woman.


So WORLD, I BEQUEATH TO YOU TODAY ONE LITTLE GIRL in a crispy dress, with two blue eyes, a happy laugh that ripples all day long, and a batch of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.


I TRUST YOU'LL TREAT HER WELL.

__________________

Where have I BEEN?!?!

Agh I hate that I haven't been keeping up with blogging lately!! I beg your forgiveness. That is, if anyone still bothers to read this crap. Probably not.

Moving on.

I did a workout program called Slim in 6. As in, 6 weeks. I stretched it out over 8. No need to rush things, ya know? In my defense, it was ONLY because we were on vacation for 4 days, which included my BIL's wedding (i.e. not much vacation, but rather a lot of shit to do out of town!) and on the tailend of that little vacay, we went to Cedar Point and I was INJURED.

Seriously. Injured, people.

I used to LOOOOVE roller coasters. like seriously, LOVED THEM. I never puked, I only felt a little ill after about 17 rides....I was good. to. go.

The last time I went, was about ohhhhhh 7-8 years ago.

Apparently, 25 is the cutoff for adventures as such. I didn't even ride any big coasters, bc I knew I'd get sick. So instead, we spent most of our time in the kiddie Snoopy area. I rode the freaking Woodstock Express twice with my son, which, to it's credit, was a really fun little kiddie coaster (again, or am I just getting old???) and I kid you not, I went to the chiropractor 2 days later, and I had 5 ribs out of place.

Yes, 5.

I could barely walk, I was in so much pain. It was awful. I can't believe I made it through 2 days of work like that. Horrendous. So the next 2 weeks consisted of more adjustments and I was told to "take it easy". I took that as "no working out".

So I lost NOTHING. NOT AN INCH. NOT A POUND. NADA.

Eh well. I was bored with it anyway.

I DID go buy some cute workout clothes though...onto the next one....

It's been awhile...

...for a lot of things (get ya mind out the gutter). I mean things like BLOGGING and EXERCISING. They go hand in hand, ya know...

Anywho- I haven't blogged in forever. I just kinda hit a writers block and there's other blogs I read daily, and between that and all the time I need for facebook, I just haven't had time. (FB is practically a full time job.)

This post is the beginning of a new MNAN series called (....drumroll...........) GET SARAH SKINNY.

Recently, I was introduced to Beachbody, the people who bring you fitness buffs programs like P90X and Turbo Jam! My hubs' cousin is a coach for beachbody and held an open house a couple weeks ago, so I went. Her & her hubs have had great results with their workout programs...and let's just talk about the elephant in the room- I look like I'm 4 months along. Which is a problem because I'm ZERO months along.

So I decided to do the Slim in 6 program. I can't commit to more than 6 weeks, otherwise I'll never see the light. I am starting it Monday. In preparation for this, I am doing a 2 day fast this weekend (GOD HELP ME) and will follow their suggested 6 day diet for the first week on Slim.

I am really excited to start, even though exercise, just the mere thought of it, makes me want to vom. I hate being short of breath, I hate sweating, I hate feeling uncomfortable. But ya know what else makes me uncomfortable?? Having a baby belly with NO BABY. That makes me feel WAY more uncomfortable. It makes me want to go all people-of-walmart on you and start wearing pajama' all over town. Instead, I just keep my scrubs on after work. Way classier. Right??

So wish me luck. I'd post before-during-after pics but well, this is the internet, and a blog, which can't be THAT secure, and I don't want my nastyness hanging up on some guy's interior prison cell wall. Not that I'd ever know if it was?! But it's the principal, and we know how I always fight for the principal even when it blows up in my face....I digress.

Just take my word on my progress. Peace out.

I am on a search...

So it's been forever since I've posted anything, but if anyone actually still reads this, I am looking for my dear friend Kelly,  formerly of the blog Speaking From The Crib! She is the chiz and was the first blog I really loved. Kelly, if you read this, e-mail me bc I'm thinking of you & hope you're okay!

That's it. Deuces.

My infant clothes obsession is getting out of hand.

Is that how you spell "obsession"??? idk.

Anywho....so I went to Hobby Lobby today, to look at some fabric to get ideas for something, and I see they have the cutest little dress hanging up on display to show you what you can do with the new spring fabrics. This dress was freaking ADORABLE. Like, sooooo cute. And there is only 1 way I can get it.

I took my ass to Jo Ann Fabrics and signed up for sewing classes biznitches.

I'm sure I could probably have ASKED if there was a possibility of buying the dress, but whatever. I need to make that shit.

Need I mention, that I am also a member of an online forum specifically dedicated to certain children's clothing brands?? And that I spend a commendable amount of time on this forum...and that I actually have my very own thread dedicated to my ISO's.

What is an ISO you ask?? I WILL TELL YOU.

ISO stand for 'In Search Of'...as in specific pieces I am searching for, in certain sizes for Brynn.

This is what my life has come down to. I mean really, they're just clothes.

But they make my kid better dressed than yours, which is EVERYTHING to me.

So spam me with any 18-24 gymboree fairy fashionable and daddy's night owl you may have. Please and thank you.

And no, I will not sew you anything.

Put on a happy face! (Right??)

So.

This is the chaos my life has ensued as of late.

Brynn spent last Thursday- Sunday in the hospital last week. I took her in to the dr's office bc she had a high fever, and they admitted her bc by the time I got there she was just like a hot, limp little dishrag. They put her on iv fluids, did bloodwork, sent he rhome with the most expensive antibiotic I've ever heard of, and decided that they think she has fluid behind her eardrum. Hello, ENT referral & tubes. No biggir, right? Okay.

So then Wednesday, my boss asks me to meet with her to talk shit about a new employee, i.e. tell her what I think so they can decide to fire her or not. Enter CEO who tells me he will be making me full time soon, and he'll let me know when to put in my notice at the other place. Yay!

In case you're keeping score, we are now at Lemons-1; Lemonade-1. Follow me?

Friday, husband gets laid off. Lemons have taken the lead.

Austin is having tonsils & adenoids out in a couple weeks, read that as: MORE MEDICAL SHIT I CAN'T AFFORD RIGHT NOW. Lemons are now up by 2.

Same week as T&A: Brynn must see an allergist so we can get the entire list of what she is allergic to- now read THAT as, Brynn must live off of rice for the rest of her life bc I'm pretttyyyyy confident she is allergic to everything that goes into her mouth. Everything. Lemons are whipping my arse. Considering a forfeit.

The score is holding steady at Lemons-4; Lemonade-1.

BUT.

I will continue (try to, at least) to be a generally happy person. I will play with my kids and make them laugh, even when the $1600 antibiotics are making them puke & poop all over the place and enduce yeast infections (another score for the Lemons). I will still spend countless hours making online carts I could never actually afford to buy, even with both of us employed. I will wake up everyday & go to work, and enojy conversations with my work friends, and laugh at the silly things the kids tell me.

My wedding song that M & I first danced to was "So Small" by Carrie Underwood. I chose that song bc I truly love the lyrics...

 "Sometimes, that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand.
What you've been out there searching for is in your hands,
And when you figure out love is all that matters after all,
 It sure makes everything else seem so small.

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole

And when you're sittin round thinking bout
What you can't change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Times flyin by
Moving so fast
You better make it count cause you can't get it back"

It's just a grain of sand.

Nellas' ONEder Fund

Hi everyone, today I'm going to put my potty mouth aside, my whining to a minimum...I know I don't have a LOT of followers, but those who do, I hope you see this post, and I hope you see the love that comes with it.

I've been following Kelle Hampton's blog for a few months now. (You can see the button to her site posted to the right of this post!) Kelle is a Florida photographer, mother of 2 girls, and 2 bonus sons as well.

Her 2nd daughter, Nella, was born Jan 22, 2010, with downs syndrome, unexpectedly. Her birth story is absolutely amazing, it is a must read for all mothers! When you go to her page there is a button that says "Start here if you're new" that will link you to the birth story.

In honor of Nella's upcoming 1st birthday, Kelle started a fundaraiser to raise money for the National Downs Syndrome Society. Her original goal was $15,000. She met that in under 24 hours. So she doubled the goal to $30,000.

As of now, less than 2 days in, she has raised over $22,000.

This is BIG, people.

She asked anyone that has gotten anything from her blog, to donate $5. Or more. $5 is a magazine at the grocery store checkout. Or $5 can be giving designer gene'd kids a chance to do something they may have have be able to.

Pay it forward peeps. Read 1 post from Kelle & you'll be hooked. Click on her button on my page, and it will direct you to her site, where another button will be under her header to direct you to the donation site.

I only donate to things that grab me & suck me in. This is one.

http://www.kellehampton.com/